Trauma Team

I'm mostly a guy that enjoys long bouts of time spent on RPGs. It's just how I roll. Some games may take me longer because I sleep with it on. If there is an RPG that makes me fall asleep after 8 or so hours of play, then that means I'm having fun. To some that would mean that they would be bored. However, there is probably one game thats not an rpg where it's so good I fall asleep to it. That game is Trauma Team on the Wii.

Trauma Team is another entry in the Trauma Center series. TC or Super Surgeon Caduceus as I may believe is called in Japan, is a series of medical simulators. The first one debuting on the DS during it's infancy was relentless. So much so that I cracked in front of my college friends and admitted, "this bitch is hard." Let me reiterate. I cried in front of grown nerds and geeks and college students aloud and said that this bitch is hard. Usually games are playable and beatable and a ton of fun. However, Trauma Center is probably the only game I ever played where I got to the end and the last boss was unbeatable....for real! It's hard enough where your going to fail...alot (LordKat).

The games consist of surgery, that's pretty much it. You cut, your inject, stitch, ultrasound, pick up with forceps, burn with a laser, drain and patch up with gel. In some scenarios, you will have to use these tools outside of the surgery table. Such as dismantling a bomb, or pick lock an alarm. The most important ability to mention is the Healing Touch. Slow down time, invoke painless procedures, or Regen hands. I love this concept as it takes pure concentration to invoke or use the Healing Touch. Also gives you an excuse to tease your girlfriend in letting you use the Healing Touch on her. eh? eh?

In the first game you play as greenhorn Doctor Derek Styles who's not in the right mind set when it comes to his job. He gets paired up with Nurse Angie Thompson who is not really hiding the typical brash aloof personality. Like a bittersweet chocolate, Angie criticizes Derek until later in the game where they get into some sticky situations with the main villain.

Derek and Angie are hired to work at this medical group named Caduceus to fight against a bio terrorism group creating this man made disease known as GUILT. That's right, the same GUILT that I was affected by that money sucking whore who I will call a vampyr. GUILT stands for Gangliated Utrophin Immuno Latency Toxin. That doesn't matter though, your job as the player is to get rid of GUILT. You're the doctor, GUILT is the disease, kill it with antibiotic gel!

Now Trauma Team takes the same premise, but this time you can play as 6 characters each with different personalities and professions. There are 6 fields of medicine that you go through: Surgery with CRS01, a young surgeon who gets arrested for something he thinks he didn't do; First Response, with the fiery boisterous busty bruiser tsundere Maria Torres; Orthopedics, with The Big Guy and superhero costume wearing Hank Freebird; Endoscopy, with the rebellious clan princess complete with a teleporting ninja butler Tomoe Tachibana; Diagnostics, with the smart ass Spike Spiegel/Mugen expy Gabriel Cunningham; Finally, Forensics with Naomi Kimishima who can hear dead people with her purgatory hot line cell phone and mini me Little Guy who solves the cases in a big whodunit. Each character is full of life, humor and a back story that's worth a pilot for a real TV show if they execs in Hollywood weren't so stupid in creativity.

The game has a great storyline that intertwines with each episode as you play it anyway you want. Want to start with CRS01 and go to Tomoe? You can. The Real story however, comes into play when you finish all the episodes from each of the doctors. No posliers (spoilers), an epidemic with something of a rose becomes a key in the main plot in the disease that affects the people in the game. It's very well written with the intentional cheesy dialogue that doesn't detract from having a good time with each of them.

There is are couple of things that I find strange especially when it comes to the art and the dialogue. For a T rated game, Maria sure knows how to cuss. I would like to invoke Getting Crap Past the Radar because with stuff like prick and goddamn staying in the dialogue, man the ESRB was off that day when they let that pass. I love it though. Shows the more raw emotion put in the lines.

The other is in the artwork. Again, I'm sure Maria's attire with a tight skinned tank top and a green-yellow jacket is not exactly doctor material. Plus in the intro to her story, we get a blatant shot of her in shorts and nothing but a towel after she gets out of the shower. (See above pictures in order from Americans hiding cleavage to Shot of Maria to Maria in her "usual attire" to the japanese cover to Maria in nothing but a towel) For that kind of blatant fan service, I give Atlus a salute and Suzaku's Seal of Awesome.

The music is also worth mentioning. At first it became catchy, catchy enough to run in tune with Maria's themes. If it comes off that I'm talking about Maria too much, no I don't dig her that well. I'm just the kind of person that doesn't dig hot blooded people. Each theme pertaining to each doctor has a different feel. Tomoe's feels like Fantastic Voyage in caves and dark corridors. Maria is hot blooded so her themes are intense and the addition to the guitar solo in her Rosalia theme. Gabe aka Dr. McJerkass has a jazzy feel with a much more sinister brooding foreshadow for the things to go bad. Hank has a medley that grows each time your score gets better.

However the detriment is that if you make even one mistake it goes back to 0. Kind of a downer really. CRS01 is toe tappingly addictive that you can do a walking montage in the beat of the theme, I like themes like that. Finally, Naomi has different themes that fit the overall finding the truth behind the dead. However, it is when Rosalia's theme effects the overall emotion of the characters is where it truly shines. Maria is still intense, Gabe is brooding, Hank is strong, Tomoe is sinister (like going to the struggling world) and CRS01 is overall powerful to invoke dread and a final shout out to Rosalia for showing up as the final take on her virus. Sure it seems like a missed moment, but after feeling stressed for most of the game, it felt nice to know that what I did was miraculous. The song that seals the deal is Gonna be Here, the ED of the game. Not only is it a kick ass song that closes this chapter in the series, but it's another one of those Crowning Music of Awesome that people who are modern music buffs will grow to recognize as another reason why Video Game music kicks so much ass, even the struggling pop artists who are flooding the TV airwaves are put to shame. No mainstream artist in the western hemisphere outside of the gaming industry can really top this kind of caliber! Here.

My only gripe with Trauma Team is not the game itself, it's great. It's some people who complain on how it's hard to play the game that they give up without giving it a try...or they watch it on YouTube. Ironic how I was one of those people who discovered it on YouTube. It's not difficult to play with the Wiimote on your dominate hand. I'm a lefty so it was pretty easy to use the forceps, but there was one level where I had to use the nun-chuck to aim the chisel to get rid of some nasty purple stuff on the bones. It shows I'm not exactly accurate or the Wii motion plus needs more tinkering to be completely jitter free. Other than that the gameplay is great.

Overall this game is worth the value considering that most games are 60 to 80 bucks, or I daresay up to over 100 bucks for one stupid game clocking in at 30 bucks now. If blood isn't your thing no matter how fake it is, then rent it. You know what, buy it. If you got a Wii and you love taking tumors out of people, then this is for you. 9 out of 10. Buy it.

Bad Filler and Eclipse

Damn it, why do I keep getting dragged in these things? Why do these bad fillers keep happening? You might be wondering why I am punching myself in the stomach for bad filler? Well, the main bad plot of this filler episode is I was dragged to see Twilight Saga: Eclipse.
The story begins as I am wanting to bring a friend to the Obon festival. S, being slow as all hell taking her time, takes me to this restaurant near her house. Not only does she take her sweet time and lacklustingly pay no attention to the conversation, but she thinks she convinced a hostess to join her "company". I am now thinking this is a codependency thing. Where she can get people to help her. Technology is not really her best forte.

As soon as the restaurant passes it's sweet time, S and I end up at the theater. 2000 points of damage to my wallet later we end up climbing the slowly crawling escalator to my unfortunate fate. The moment the movie started I knew I wasn't going to have fun.

The first part of Eclipse I was bored with exposition and how the characters other than the bland Bella and wooden Edward kept going on with their "love" and "engagement." First off, that isn't love. There's no way in hell that a bland unattractive mentally unstable high school graduate who fell in love with a vampire who saw you as food could ever be love. It just can't. Besides, what else is there to Bella and Edward besides their on again off again stalker with a crush relationship? Does Bella have any interests? Does Edward enjoy a game of sport instead of a sport of game? What is it about these 2 that has people, guy or girl swooning? I'm writing this because SpoonyOne had a great point about the main couple. The other characters who I paid no attention to had a little bit more backstory and we only got to see some background of some characters. Rosalie I guess her name being that explained in a flashback that she was a broken bird waiting to be engaged until her "husband" on a extreme drunken stupor and his friends rape her and leave her for dead. She got her revenge and that's it. The blond guy who was part of the civil war was entranced by these 3 maidens/vampires. Nothing more nothing less. Yes yes I know I would know more about the whole thing if I read the book, but listen...I don't read shitty harlequin romance novels. Nor do I care for any of the characters in this abomination of a movie. So keep your cliff notes to yourself!

Among the love triangle is the werewolf, Jacob. Native American symbolism abound, his clan are of a pack of werewolves who look terrible as CG. Either the creators couldn't splurge on more effects went the China route and hired cheap CG artists or they got lazy. Jacob is as gullible as Edward is as he sees Bella as a love interest but not intentionally in a good way. From this point on my anger is not pointed at the boys besides Edward who is more like a rapist, but more towards Bella. And unrelated to why I didn't get some after watching this. More on that later.

This among the quadrilogy of so called harlequin romance novels was written by Stephanie Meyer, a Mormon mother. In this one it's about not really about scoring before marriage and how it's wrong, but in my mind I am more on the lines of when, and how. They want to screw, screw so hard the bolt will strip. However, I ask among the fans and haters, and critics does a human girl whos mental instability puts the DSM IV to shame and an undead vampire who should have melted away 2 books ago make love I do not know. NO one knows! And the fact that Meyer who can target this to teenagers as a romance novel?! Luckily it's taken an opposite effect to some, but if my theory or logic is true, most people's lives are so dull and baron that they must seek out an escapism and Twilight is one way to do that. However, because of the "appeal" of it, they take it as a part of their lives like it's real. Pliskin or Snake once said or mentioned Diminished Sense of Reality or DSR. Can't tell the difference between real and fake. Their lives are fake to them so they seek a way into the doorway of fantasy and consider that real. Seriously, this is how fanboys and fangirls are born!

Bella is one of those mentally unstable characters that doesn't know what she wants in life. She obsesses over Edward like a chunk of her heart was torn away. Like Sora going all emo cause Riku is gone and doesn't know where he is. Except Sora is not allowed to angst in from of Disney. Then she flirts with Jacob but still denies him as she is forlorn for Edward. That itself is a open shut case of a 2 faced whore. She knows that shes toying with the boys yet obsesses over them. I have never been so offended at such misandry and that's just from one character! Shes a backstabbing manipulative bitch!

So the story or convoluted "arc" of Eclipse. The psycho lesbian Victoria who's not getting over the whole my boyfriend is dead cause the human girl and Irish vampire killed him makes new vampires called newborns. Think newborn babies wanting food. Tantrums aside and no goals besides the whole feed me thing, it's retarded. She did this, make a new batch of vampire babies to fight Edward and Bella. Ed and bitchface go to werewolves for help but vampires and werewolves don't mix. Fight ensues and it's not interesting. Not only are logic and physics non existent in this trite, but apparently babies are made of clay heads when they are killed. Now here's where I say symbolism as you or I put it more bluntly, killing babies in a PG movie. Is it even necessary? No! Cause before the fight and obvious trap, Bella tries to quell Jacob one last time and as she says kiss me, he does. It was then I was frustrated as much as Spoony was. Not only do we get a scene where Jacob spoons Bella in front of Edward, her FIANCE!!, she wraps Jacob's finger around her and makes out in front of him again. Edward is nonchalant about this.

The big 4 Volturi is wasted space. Not only are they not doing anything, but they are just there to further drag on the plot. They don't like the whole Victoria making babies on top of the whole Bella showing off vampires. The "heroes" of this ragtag team of teenage goth wannabes save a little girl baby vamp. Volturi doesn't like it and kills her. Finally after the pointless revenge plot that was just filler and pointless, it goes back to Edward and Bella and their cuddling in a field of flowers and that is when I just felt that my manliness was reduced to a puddle of goo.

After storming out of the theater not even getting a chance to put on the moves due to the estrogen throwing S at the screen, I kept muttering to myself, "why". Why did I get dragged into this bad filler episode with no reward for my endurance and pain. Back in the real world where magic and science fight each other S brings up something to my attention about appearance as she and I head to the store to bring her mad pussy (no pun intended) some cat food because she was starving the whole time. What got me to the point of awkward and uncomfortable is when S said she wanted to model me after Jacob. Why I ask is when she mentioned my hair at first. I have short hair, a small husky body and buff legs. Not exactly the shirtless heartthrob that most girls would see in the light of day. Then S went on with clothes as the dress shirt, black slacks and au natural hair was not enough to bag a woman. Not only am I an average looking guy, I have no interest in scoring with a woman who thinks I can be like Shark Boy, or even worse a direct description of those manly men only seen in harlequin novels. It supposed to be your own style, no one else.

Eclipse is the worst movie, no the most heinous piece of crap I have ever been dragged to. The Last Airbender is in the same boat, but it's like comparing 2 pieces of shits taking a shit and going for penis hair (I saw it) and manservice. Not only do I need to use SCIENCE to bring back my manliness, I will try to get something back from S in return for seeing this. It sucks nut-logs and even if I were to say so, the fans are going to defend it, no matter how much oomph I put in the counterpoint. If you saw it yourself, reclaim what was lost, equivalent exchange is in order. If you didn't, then you have staved off the beast. The large, plus sized Midwest beast who's life is as dull and wooden and bland as the sparkling vampire himself.